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Ask A Black Dude
Well it's been a while since we had one of these, hasn't it? I try to do them once a month but our last one was in December. And this, being the shortest month of the year and Black History Month, what better time for AABD?
Last night, ACRN had its quarterly semiprivate screening of the Tommy Wiseau epic The Room. As is customary in these time honored traditions, the small group drank some 48 cans of beer and ate just two late night, hot-as-fuck pizzas. I'll have you know that I did not drink that much and I still remember the whole night. The movie only lasted us until a little after midnight so the rest of the evening was spent defacing the calendar on the refrigerator and drunkenly yelling at each other on a variety of issues including oral sex, The Dave Matthews Band, and race relations in America. Don't question drunk logic!
Anyway, I'm sober, I'm bored (not related to being sober), and I'm waiting for my crapbox to come back after Microsoft finished repairing it a few days ago. Please be so kind as to throw some questions my way to help me pass the time; as you know by now, anything goes.
60 Manifestos:
Other than the dollars involved, what the heck is keeping you from getting a man's gaming system like the PS3?
Nothing, really. I actually want a PS3 pretty badly. I'll start saving up for it soon, fuck textbook money. I know that sounds very irresponsible but so far I have not actually had to read a single page in any of my textbooks. Yes it's "required" for the class but you can very easily swing an A or B without ever cracking it open.
Now, do I bother to find and get in a bidding war over one of the old backwards compatible 60 GB models with ports out the ass on ebay, or do I walk over to Wal-Mart and easily buy the "new-and-improved" PS3? Decisions, decisions.
I hope you weren't relying on questions to help pass the time today.
Dear Black Dude,
1. Do they do anything for Mardi Gras where you are?
2. Do you plan on showing your man-boobs for beads?
3. Are you one of those people who claims to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?
4. Is it racist to use being "Irish" as an excuse for heavy drinking?
Oh, okay.
1. How did your parents react when you came out?
2. What are you planning on doing when you are done with college?
Is it just my perception, or are black folks actually loosening up more around white folks since the inauguration of Massa Obama?
I'm feeling less like "them" and more like "us"...
Anyway, I'm sober, I'm bored (not related to being sober),
Really? Can't say that I have ever been bored for more than a minute. I don't fucking do bored.
What in the hell is a PS3? And why in the hell should I care?
Never mind, I don't.
I swear, the fucking kids these days are more stupid than us fucking kids was in our day.
You are a smart enough lad in your own right, but I hope that you are careful about what you add to the gene pool.
Screw her of course, just don't knock her up, the idiots may come from her genes, ha ha ha.
Where'd you go? I thought you were bored and waiting with baited breath for questions to answer.
Mmmmmm-hmm. :p
bbc, just once in your fukt life, try posting a comment without recourse to tired ass first person singular.
shit.
So how many booties yo Whass'it syndrome dick been in now?
(Hey ... you da nigga said anything go)
Omar: No, not really. Shortly after this I laid down and almost slept through my academic advising session. Then I hit the town baby!
Anne: 1. Surprisingly, no.
2. It wouldn't be the first time.
3. The term Black Irish don't apply to dark skinned folk. However, most of the people here will probably be too far gone to even realize.
4. Yes and no, mostly yes.
Citizen: 1. I didn't know they knew.
2. Much like #1, you'll know when I know.
Thimscool: Honestly I haven't noticed. People generally seem to be happier and I guess along with that would come openness.
BBC: Did you just post four comments in a row within a timespan of ten minutes?
Anne: I went to see a live performance which was one of the more vulgar things I've ever seen, then that turned into playing pool, then that turned into a little get-together with surprisingly sober-ish friends. It's 3:30 AM now and here we are.
Gadfly: I'll answer your question with a question: how many did you have to say "your Whass'it syndrome dick"? For your information, my penis is made of deliciousness and win.
Also, 0. A hook-up is probably just a phone call away, problem is I'm not really interested.
BBC: Did you just post four comments in a row within a timespan of ten minutes?
Only four? Trust me, you got off easy.
Will you please change your blogger userpic into something sexy, Woo?
Dear Black Dude,
If Henry VIII's first queen had borne him a son, do you think perhaps England would have remained loyal to the popes and their Catholic Church?
and
Do you believe the chain of memory runs through resurrection?
Psst... Woozie. The answer to the second one is yes.
In fact, it even applies to reincarnation... although only by accident because it is not God's intention that we remember our past lives... only our last lives.
Cue the Hasemorder saying "How can God make mistakes?" because he still doesn't get it even when we sent the flash bomb into his quest, rearranged his work, and screwed up the glass break synchronicity.
Avanti.
Can we all agree to chip in and buy a bottle of Uno's laudanum, and ship it to BBC at his quaint Pacific abode?
He seems to be in a lot of pain these days...
dear hi yella black dude,
if you decided to do something genuinely extraordinary, what would you do?
let your fancy flow
Leslie: I believe it, but damn. That's like saying Austria got off easy in the 1930's. Sure they weren't as fucked as Poland but they were all still under Nazi rule regardless.
Nashe: No, Famous Amos is an institution here at The Tome of Communism and the last time I tried to change it I was met with hostility. The people shall not have it, and neither will their premier!
Omar: Perhaps; but in a strange set of affairs her incapable womb brought your mother nation back to the throes of untouchable pedophiles and gilded Popes, if only for a brief five years. Honestly the whole matter could have been avoided if the fat stingy bastard had offered the big man just another couple of pounds. Popes were cheap whores back then.
and
I do not know because I've never really given it much thought. I suppose it's not entirely far-fetched if you accept the notion of a soul or some kind of collective consciousness but without either one of/both of those it becomes harder to believe. Maybe these past life experiences can be amounted to the power of the human mind to imagine the unreal as real. I don't know about you but I have some damn vivid dreams.
Thimscool: While I appreciate your opinion on the matter I get enough charges of being brainwashed thrown my way.
I think Mr. Khan would be willing to give us a considerable discount considering the cause we are purchasing this for is one he believes very deeply in.
Uno: Very good question. Take whatever people normally expect of you and do something else, ideally the opposite. I think the Habitat thing I did/am doing really surprised a lot of people. Alternatively, you could shock the shit out of them with your wheelbarrow balls. I recommend an SS uniform be involved somehow. Capitalism tells me to find a hole in the market and plug it with your brass cock, but we all know how you feel about the bourgeois oppressors.
I feel that my artistic tendencies have been being sorely neglected. I should probably nurture them somewhere, sometime, somehow. Maybe with a larger-than-life grandiose project. Think the Tape Ball after being rolled around in Alex Rodriguez's gym bag. Stay tuned!
What is your definition of a perfect day?
When are you gonna have an "Ask a gay dude" post?
That's what this shit turns into anyway.
As a more serious (about gay) follow up, do you get the horn for any females you encounter, or has it become an all or nothing type ontology?
I get the horn all the time (for various women I encounter) and I have to fooking restrain the brain to keep that shit in check. I love my wife, and thank God she loves me too or I'd be blind by now, like BBC.
okay, while we're about crude questons (ask a straight guy)..
thimscool - "As a more serious [about heterosexual] follow up" -- if you had a hot sexy 19-yr old daughter, would you prevail upon god to compartmentalize yer brain to make her seem undesirable?
Okay, Black Dude: What the fuck are we (Canadians and Americans) doing in Afghanistan? Is the 'surge' gonna help any little girls get an education?
Can centuries-old 'cultures' be changed by the force of arms? (I'm not talking about kicking the Nazis in the nuts; I'm talking about altering cultural DNA.)
TS: I have a definition of a good day, but not a perfect day because there's no such thing. A good day would be anything that puts a smile on the face, it's pretty simple. Usually but not always involves time with friends. Today was shaping up to be pretty lousy until something hit a nerve and I got to being artistically productive, so that was what salvaged today from the ashes.
Thimscool: All or nothing, mon ami. It's not that naked women disgust me or anything, they're just not particularly interesting. I say this to you people an awful lot, lrn2infer pls.
Also, I see what you did there.
Uno: I think the whole "she's my daughter" thing would stop most people. Mr. Cool is not completely out of his mind.
Doc: Afghanistan, lols. That country's continued existence is a testament ti either the solidarity of the human will, or proof positive that Allah brands some people at birth to suffer throughout their short lives.
Some white dude in some prison movie once said you better "get busy livin or get busy dyin". Canada and the U.S. are getting busy dyin. Trying to conquer Afghanistan is like trying to conquer Russia, it just doesn't work (and don't bring up the damn Mongols!). If the chauvinistic culture of al-Deliverance, Afghanistan will ever change it will happen slowly and from the inside out. Sadly for the USAF there will be no need for bomb dropping, as if that will stop us anyway.
black guy -- today i saw an impossibly beautiful boy in the pet shop and talked to him -- dark hair, intense brain, warrior voice, flashing eyes, impudent jaw, direct gaze, at home in the world, comfortable in his body.
and then it hit me, black dude, he was not a boy. a little too wide in the hips, slight breasts beneath the uniform.
this is not a question. it just still still has me bumfoozled and befukt. god, what a beauty..
i'm going to see her again on tuesday
LOL
If John Lennon were still alive, would he promote #9 HEMPZ HERBAL MAXIMIZER 9oz niggah achiever?
if you had a hot sexy 19-yr old daughter, would you prevail upon god to compartmentalize yer brain to make her seem undesirable?
Well, Uno, I'll take your question at face value (though I sense you are incensed for no good reason).
I don't think god has much to do with it, except for permitting the evolution of my prefrontal lobes which assist me to evaluate all manner of ethical conundra.
When I encounter a fair lass, my conscious mind is late to the scene, whereas my well conditioned subconscious is already twirling my wedding ring about my finger and filling my neck and heart with a sense of guilt and foreboding. Such is the life of a faithful sort, I guess.
I have a daughter, though she is much younger than your proposed age of sexual ripeness. I intend to remain very involved in her upbringing, and I expect that in addition to the aforementioned sub-conscious defense against rambling, I would also enjoy the rather conscious advantage of realizing that I love my daughter far too much to subject her to the disgusting abasement that you casually suggest.
Now that I have indulged your prurient curiosity, why not explain what kind of prefrontally-deficient retardation would possess you to ask me such an irrelevant question?
Make it good, asshole...
Woozie:
"You people"???
Oh dear.
IH: O lawd, so much win right there. I'm sure he would.
Thimscool: You people are awfully brash with the inebriated. I don't think I'll be drinking with you anytime soon!
Now I've seen and registered your 11:10 post...
I get it.
We have preconceived notions of what attracts us, based on our experiences, choices, and also innate inclinations. We react accordingly. Woozie has discovered that he is all or nothing gay.
OK.
Had not thought about it before, did not need to.
Thanks for being a catty bitch. Try a little honey instead of vinegar next time. Same team...
Dude, I'm half inebriated too, and at least 5% gay.
All or nothing... bullshit. Nobody is clear cut no matter what they say.
'Skay, Wooz. I love Famous Amos. At least.
Thimscool: This situation requires clarification.
To straight up answer your first question: no, I have never laid eyes on a woman and honestly thought "Damn, I must explore her vagina." Could it ever happen though? Probably, yes. Has it happened? No.
I initially had a longer and more drawn out thought about it planned until I realized that I say the 'women bore me' thing far too frequently and that struck a nerve. I should have looked through my butthurt and given you a better answer.
Happy drinking :)
(Re: Same Team--I see what you did there)
Nashe: As you should! His cookies are delicious and fatty!
Uh... I was engaging Uno for the 11:10 post. He needs to snap out of the snark and be the change he wants to see in the world.
I'm done drinking a while ago...
But, cheers anyway.
The woman who bore you is a saint.
You should be studying.
I found that black monopoly game on stumble upon..but couldn't bring myself to post it..u can..but it would have seemed mean for me to do it..or at least that's what i felt..
Keep drinkin' Thimscool. I love it when you act up.
When are you coming to Canada again?
Who will win the World Series in 2009?
If my father placed it on earth, it is for you. I don't recall alcohol being such a gift. Give it up, puny ones.
I just read, "Cue the Hasemorder saying "How can God make mistakes?" because he still doesn't get it even when we sent the flash bomb into his quest, rearranged his work, and screwed up the glass break synchronicity." - Thimscool.
Oh yeah, turning my world upside down made everything make sence. I always knew i didn't know everything, now i just know how much i don't know...
"WE sent the flash bomb" WE? You really are taking some credit in that? Oui? You people are fucking crazy if you think any of what has happened to me has the JC stamp of approval on it. And you believe in reincarnation too? At least be consistent. Are you a Buddhist or a Christian?
"because it is not God's intention"
I'm so glad to know someone who can speak for god. Were you Blind Before Christ? I suggest going back. Things were clearer for you when you couldn't see.
Thimscool: I know who you were referring to, I just wanted to say that I saw what you did there.
While you say I should have been studying I was sitting on a tire, expertly peeing in corners, and falling asleep to one of the chickiest chick flicks imaginable.
YDG: Well it can either be seen a s an unabashedly racist macro, or a blunt and semi-witty commentary on the experience of Black Americans. Flip a coin.
Ben: Was supposed to come to Canada (Toronto specifically) this past August, but them plans fell through because I am a lazy bitch. I might move there at some point, then we can oggle breasticles together!
The Detroit Lions will win the World Series. They've got to win something.
J. H. Christ: I thought your middle name was Hitler.
mr. blackdood yu gonna replace the malignant glaring capitalist gangsta with something shexi??
Find me a sexy, well known communist I can easily shoop and consider it done.
How about this
guy?
easy peasy
Omar: If I could turn back time...
Uno: Didn't know you were bisexual. I'll see what I can do.
don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows
"If I could turn back time..."
You would do what, if anything, differently with your life?
So, you've pitched. You played catcher yet?
(I don't really want to know. I just want to fuck with you over "anything goes")
Omar: I'd probably go back and not refer to as many people by name as I did in various posts. I feel that had I been more opaque with some of the tales I told, and in some cases not even told them, I wouldn't have such an issue with sharing The Tome with IRL friends. Then again, I needlessly worry about a lot.
Gadfly: What? No I haven't. The only thing I've ever done with a guy is blown him and had him return the favor. You gotta read better chazzer.
And since your white ass clearly has problems reading, allow me to further clarify: I have neither pitched nor caught.
I don't think the confusion was Gadfly's fault. Sometimes i think you make it difficult to see what you did there for the lulz of it.
Yeah. What King Bunny Killer said.
But I don't see where you got the confusion from. I can say I'd have sex with someone without ever actually having sex with them. That's what 14 year olds spend their whole day doing, after all.
How in the hell did you managed to meet up with BBC?
That's meet up btw, not meat up as in sounding off with. :)
O lawd, sex with me and BBC would not ever happen. EVER!
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