An Exercise in Adolescence, While We Can Enjoy It

You know, some people might say I have problems.

Case in point: last night after waking up just before 9 and deciding to blow off my morning class, I found myself slithering around a bombed out Austrian city block, circa 2006 or so. Me and my M-16 were quickly the only ones left of the Red Team after my teammates left the game to look at hentai or whatever it is nerds do when they die too much. Soon enough my rifle ran out of ammo and I took to my secondary weapon, a measly pump action shotgun. Managing to pick people off with it from half a map away (with my point of view following the pellets), I racked up ten or so kills before I found the semiauto shotgun from GTA 4 underneath a vanquished foe. Shortly after getting that I died; a helicopter stuck its nose into the control room I was hiding in (how did it even manage to get inside a warehouse?), I shot it twice in the nose, the explosion threw me across the room. Fail.

Then something happened and I came down the mahogany steps of a run down former mansion--clearly no longer in a videogame-- and saw at a desk to my left a sexy redheaded woman and a construction worker who was on the computer watching someone flush vomit down a toilet. An old white couple was in the kitchen cooking something and you could smell it through the sanitorium green wall, with black mold and small, nimble trees growing out of it. Regardless, it was time to bounce so myself and the redhead (the construction worker fell out of the narrative, simply ceased to exist) ran out into the courtyard towards the cars.

The skies were a steely light grayish green, and there was an oil refinery visible far, far off into the distance. Suddenly these two things (one of which suddenly disappeared like the construction worker) ran up in front of us and started growling, blocking the path to the cars. They were like greyhounds, only much longer, taller, and thinner. They had the hair of trimmed golden labs matted thick with oil, and rather than the teeth the first thing we noticed was the flat, fire engine red gums. Shortly thereafter though, our dog tackled the remaining oildog and killed it with a single bite to the neck. The redhead expressed worry at our dog's killer instincts, I patted him on the head, and the three of us ran to the black SUV, and just as we were about to get in I woke up. With a raging erection, no less.

Speaking of erections, the other day over lunch two friends and I were discussing a certain kind of porn that has, surprisingly, never been done as far as we know. I've seen quite a bit on the intrenet but I hadn't even thought this possible. We're looking for penis sounding; that would be one guy sticking his penis in another man's penis. All three of us know about docking, but that doesn't count because it's one penis inside the other man's foreskin. I want it in the urethra, dammit! I am on the hunt for it, the other two probably are as well, and should the two of you that read this and are willing to look at gay porn come across it, you have my email address. Rewards may or may not include chicken.

So yeah, some people might say I might have problems.