The Act You've Known For All These Years

Okay, so I heard on the grapevine that some of you were growing tired of sniffing my dick for a week straight. While I am flattered that you like my penis enough to hold your nose to if for a week, I only recall demanding that Mr. Limbaugh smell the smegma. Speaking of smegma, while I keep clean and thus don't suffer from the cock cheese, some comrades at Ohio University beg to differ. For the lulz, of course. At least that'd better be what it's for.

Anyway, yes, sex--in between the "Are You Nervous?" game and outright public molestation (and getting arrested, but that's another story) we've collectively decided that the thought of smegma makes our stomachs curdle (at least it does his) and the sight of Rainbow Goldfish makes our anuses immediately loosen (at least it does mine). What kind of college student decides these sort of things when there's work to be done, you ask? Well if you had to ask then you obviously don't know anybody who's ever gone to an institution of higher education.

While we were discussing two-week cumshots and other assorted faggotries 'round the lime green hookah, my paper on New York Governor David Paterson was not writing itself. But did carefree me give a fuck? Obviously not, because I did not start writing it until this past Sunday night--it was due Monday at 2. So naturally I stayed up all night and managed to hammer out seven pages on New York's first black and first blind governor, finally finishing at 2 PM on Monday. And of course, there was a presentation aspect that I completely forgot about until I was on my way to class--twenty minutes late. I got up there, introduced myself by professing a love for prostitution ("sums up the quarter nicely" in the professor's non-sarcastic words), and then rambled through a sort-of speech for 8 minutes. At the end of it all the guy in the FBI (Firm Believer In Jesus; I know the acronym doesn't work) shirt looked visibly unnerved.

So where have I been since Monday, you ask? I've been enjoying my first few genuinely free nights in a long long time. Some spent with friends, others basking in the nurturing glow of Left 4 Dead. Of course finals are next week, and then it's a few days of being back home followed up by a week in Miami. I'm sure in between all of that and lying on a bed of mulch with my ankles in the air (and pants *on*, unfortunately) I'll find some time to post something every now and then. It's nice to be back.